Is it Me?

I often had issues with taking stuff people say at face value. I find nuances which make me believe they are making it up. Or some such excuse to say the speaker is not being true. Is it maybe because I am not capable of the what they are talking about and hence internally convert what they are saying into a falsehood?
As they say 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'

Green

Been noticing that being environmentally friendly actually turns out to be quite heavy on the pocket in the current age. Having at an early stage had the privilege to spend some time with my grandparents in our village, this seemed very counter intuitive to me. Till I started exploring it more.

Take your clothes for example. To be "green", you'd have to wear something locally grown and manufactured - you know less transporting around, less fuel, etc etc. So that would mean growing it on very pricey land, getting the fabric made using very expensive labor locally vs some sweat shop in a 3rd world country. No wonder all the clothes I saw at the "Green Festival" recently were so expensive! And they weren't even made locally! They had just used cotton/hemp - once the cheapest fabric!

Likewise, being vegetarian in India was so easy. With the variety of vegetables available and recipes to cook the same, it was quite natural to enjoy multiple meals without craving for meat. We had meat once a week back in the days. I'm sure that helped cut down on many a "caged farm". Talking about organic/cage free, everyone knows how expensive shopping at Whole Foods can get! And I'm not even sure the stuff there is made locally. Most likely not, just that they ensure "Fair Trade" happens - translate no child labour or sweat shops. Gas still gets burnt shipping across oceans! The flip side of this is that, the places where commodities originate from, have their own issues - they successfully provide the westerners what they want at cheap rates but in the bargain the local situation/economy gets all entangled!

In an environment like this, its very hard to sell "Green". Forget about selling it, I'm not sure I should be talking about it, given my hopes/plans for travel around the world! Have been trying to think differently, and stop looking at things as issues but rather as constructive avenues. And still trying to figure out how to get there. In a world that is so friendly to destroying itself how can one make "green" accessible? Not looking for any blase/pat answers. I guess I'm just trying to collect and make some cohesive meaning of what I've been looking at.

On a different note, I saw this TED video recently on gaming. Love how people have these amazing perspectives! I'm mean about video games?! Admire her for it. You'll see where I'm getting my "constructive" talk from :P
http://www.ted.com/talks/jane_mcgonigal_gaming_can_make_a_better_world.html

Is There a Time for Morals?

I was reading this article about how there has been no looting happening in Japan post the recent earthquake and tsunami. And the opinion of readers is that this is due to the moral standards of the Japanese populace. And the fact that they don't violate those standards in times of disruption. Got to me thinking how strong my standards are. To the most part, I would try to stick to them probably, but then I realized I'm not averse to following the crowd and maybe, just maybe, if I saw everybody dipping into a broken down store and picking up what they liked, I would follow suit.  Would that be out of a survival instinct to stock up for what might come in whatever way possible? Donno.

Its a hard thing to do - sticking to morals at all times. I'm glad I came across this article. Admire the people.

Intentions

Often on Saturdays I end up at the local farmers market looking for my hit - fresh fruit and yummy stall food. Most Saturdays on reaching the farmers market and realizing that I have forgotten to get my bags with me, I resolve to go home and stash a few bags in the car so I don't go indiscriminately using plastic covers the next time around.

Some days (especially now in winter) I end up at some local desi restaurant looking for some hot chai. The place I frequent the most serves it in Styrofoam cups. A few of the places I eat at serve food in Styrofoam plates. I was recently made aware of the effects of Styrofoam on the environment. Most times (actually make that every time) so far, I have been turning a blind eye towards this.

Since a conversation I had with a friend recently on how we follow the norm of the mass to justify our actions, I have been mulling over all of this and realized intentions are no longer good enough. I have to act to not make things worse; I'm nowhere close to making things better. I should atleast take the first steps in ensuring that I don't add to our environmental woes.

And while I'm at it, I shouldn't forget the VTA for my commute to work. It does stop right in front of my company.

The Bucket List

"I wish I had hugged her"
"I wish I had held onto her hand a little longer"
"I wish we had shared one more of those ice creams she loves"
"I wish I had talked with her some more"
"I wish I had visited her on the way back"
"I wish...."

****

Why do people have a list of things they would like to do before dying? I mean who would regret it if that list didn't get done?
Isn't it better to have a list of things to do for anyday; not for the days before death...
I have decided to re-evaluate and form a list of things I would do by people I care for, a list which would ensure I have no regrets at any point of time. And hope I get through that list.

Norms

I once got a book with an inscription - "Hope this brings the smile back to your face when you are down". A good friend of mine saw this and said "I hope you never have to use that book". That's when I started wondering why I was touched by the note before!

Does that mean I have accepted "bad times" as part and parcel of things? Does that reflect on how optimistic I am?! Hmm, now there is a thought... Or does it just mean I am realistic?

Come to think of it I do do a lot of second guessing -- always mapping out the possibilities and playing it "safe". There have been times when I get carried away and do crazy stuff; when thought is blocked and I live for the moment; when I throw caution to the wind and dive right in. But. When in my saner moments I think and think again and think some more and sometimes (or is it most times?) let things lie in the interest of self preservation.

Am I holding out on experiencing? Am I missing opportunities? When in the process of growing up did I start learning to be cautious -- expecting bad as one of the possibilities?

I should try throwing caution to the wind one day! (and make sure all the risky factors are out of the way on that day) -- is the thought that came to head right after!! :D

I hope.

Secrecy

I was on my way back to the US via Chennai. I didn't have a printout of my airline ticket confirmation -- in Chennai you need that as a minimum to step into the airport. Even to get to the ticket counter. We were already out of the house and resorted to asking a friend (not mine) who lives on the way if we could stop by and print it out. Being short on time (hey I was wayyy ahead of time by US standards) I was asked to give my email password to this friend so he could have the printout ready for us!! It was like the ultimate sacrifice for me. I tried to reason out that it wasn't necessary but eventually had to pass on the information.

My email -- to someone to whom I'm a stranger there's probably nothing interesting in there. I would probably not even end up meeting this person ever again in my whole life. So even if he did take a peek, would it have mattered much? Probably not.

But for the whole duration of the flight back, there was only one thing on my head -- I need to change my password ASAP! And boy was I relieved when I reached my brothers place and finally got a chance to do just that.

What is with humans and hiding their personal thoughts & actions? Why are we embarrassed in public of what we are bold with in private?

Leisure

This poem on Leisure is one of my fave.

There was a time when I could just lie down under a tree on a sunny day, thinking of nothing but just experiencing the wind blowing, hearing the birds chirping and the leaves rustling, watching a fly droning by and eventually gliding into a dreamless slumber in the gentle breeze.

Now I stay awake doing stuff at ungodly hours until I just drop down with exhaustion. The sleep is equally undisturbed but for the wrong reasons and inevitably not enough (work does not wait). I've been rushing to fill up my waking hours with things to do and keep myself occupied. Is it to avoid thinking and to cover the lack of purpose that is life currently? Maybe. Most likely.

I do have the time to stand and stare but do not indulge. Why is that? Maybe cos the moment I stop doing things I start thinking about what I'm doing or more aptly -- about what I'm not doing. Why can't I just live life one day at a time without worrying about the future? About what next? Wish I could get back to "stand and stare"! Though I definitely prefer "lying and staring".