I Know

..subconsciously exactly where each alphabet is on the keyboard. If I stop using my brain and let my fingers type. But then if I start my brains on and try to "remember" where the alphabet is, I most likely will fail! I know its crazy but its true.

Maybe I should let my subconscious make all my decisions... it seems to be able to pull up things my conscious mind cannot uncover. Hmm... now there is food for thought. Does that mean I should let my first impressions rule?

A Weekend

I'm loving weekends these days. Some with lots of activities, some with lots of travel, some with nothing to do but scratching my head thinking about what to do next.

This one was different. Its that time of the year again when I move. I know! Yet again. I had been looking for a shared house sort of a situation. And somehow a lot of them seemed to come with pets of some sort. In some cases of all sorts! Like this person looking for a roommate who just couldn't turn down a stray and ended up with two dogs a cat and a parakeet. Not sure what else was hidden in her room. Almost ended up adopting her as my stray :)

Then this Saturday I went and visited this happy house. That's all I can think of calling it. The people were very nice and the cat and dog were simply adorable! Loved everyone and the house and signed the lease right away even though I'm sure its overpriced. But well I'm sure the experience will beat the loss. And so I'm the owner of a new lease! another six monther :)

After that the weekend was pretty routine... farmers market, hung out with friends over lunch, volleyball, tried to convince my sis to come up with a name all of us liked better, cursing myself all the while for having suggested the current choice... and some vegging. Oh and today I went and treated myself to a hair cut. Even though it was good, I wasn't so pleased with it and asked my friend to do what she could to alter it to how I wanted my hair.. and she very willingly obliged and chopped most of it away. Sort of reminded me of Edward Scissors Hand the speed and efficiency with which the whole job was done. Now for better or worse I'm back to sporting a bob! Oh and before that I had pani poori - two whole greedy plates and sugarcane juice! Yummy and only in the bay area. :)

In all of this I realized I almost forgot a birthday. This blog is going to turn one year old! and its still alive and kicking. Miracles do happen.

These Days...

After being away the last two weekends, I have started to realize that I miss home.

Home is now the place where the bed is made the way I like. Where things are in their place and so I don't end up leaving my cell phone behind. Home is where I can lie back and wallow in being alone. Sleep in till ungodly hours and wake up when I please. Watch what I like on TV and not have to wait for my turn. Shower forever and not hold up others.

But then again I got reminded of what home was.

It was where Amma got my room dusted and ready for when me and my allergies would get back. Where no matter what I forget behind it wouldn't matter as someone would always travel with me or make sure I carried what I needed. Where I would lie back and wallow in a story book while Amma toiled away to make me my favourite food to eat. Home was where I would wake up to a tall glass of bathai juice squeezed fresh and waiting patiently for me to wake up. Where I snatch the remote from Amma's hands and browse through channels till I find something I like to watch. Where a bath is meticulously prepared - hot water in the buckets, kunkudkai with mandar akkullu mixed in as conditioner for my hair and sunnipindi for soap.

And then I realized why the place I'm typing this from can never really be home and wait for the arrival of the one person whose selfless love makes all the difference.

Panic on the Highway

Was cruising up the highway as usual with the radio blasting and enjoying the unusually cushioned drive. The loaner did have one advantage on the bumpy road - better suspension. And a brighter colour - RED! It only seemed natural then that I should check how the cooper performed in comparison with the cooper S. I was going at a comfortable 55mph when I started revving. 60mph all is good, it was responding well to the gas rush. 65mph - going strong.... and thats when it started. The rmp shot from about 3500 to beyond 5000 all of a sudden and the engine started crying out for gas. The blood rushed to my head in alarm and I got busy checking the cars around me to ensure I could pull off to the curb... when it hit me - I was driving an automatic and the gears must have changed. They weren't in my control today!

- Experiences of a manual transmission driver.

My Favourite Place

Lighting a Cigarette

Standing in the aisle of a bus, slowly inching away, giving space (taking space?) whenever someone gets on.

Swatting at his arms, swinging away, whenever he got too close to her face with his karate moves in his attempts to bug his sibling.

Giving way to the passerby walking on the pavement into the streets you just left behind.

Drawing brows just that little bit closer when a tailor is taking measurements.

Finding space on the dance floor, avoiding bumping into the other dancers.

Standing by the lamp, with a wave of her cigarette holding arm requesting, drawing close to allow the stranger to light up the cigarette now between her lips. A shared passion for cigarettes wiping away personal space edicts.

Thoughts Floating Around

Thought 1. European/Eastern movies have so much more depth of story to them than American movies in general...

Thought 2. I'm fascinated by how people are capable of assigning labels of characteristics to others... It just beats me... my reactions are so cavemanish in comparison :P

Thought 3. I never did get what the whole rave about Pan's Labyrinth is... I mean its well made and I can appreciate the nuances in the movie.. but maybe not totally cos I still don't get why people love it... Somebody care to explain?

Resolution

Today I've made a resolution. When I see something very pretty/I like, I shall stop and take a picture if possible. I'd love to browse all those pretty sights again.

I sometimes wonder if taking a picture would make the memory weaker? The pictures is my mind are so fresh, I can recall them at a moments notice. No matter how long ago it is from. But then I'm sure I'm losing on the details. But are details necessary? Not really. Or so I think. But it would still be good to have a picture to share the memory with others.

There are three pictures that I particularly cherish. I shall try to describe them here in words - and in the process I will probably make it obvious why the picture is needed :)

One is from my college days. It was night time and we were at the back of this really dilapidated and probably very unsafe block of apartments. This was next to the Raritan River (I went to school at Rutgers). There is an old bridge over the river about 15 blocks away; a bridge with street lights all along it. The river was flowing calmly that night and there were no ripples to disturb the water. No moon to speak of brightening the skies. Or maybe I never noticed it after looking at what was right in front of my eyes. The bridge and its reflection in the water formed these perfect O's. It felt as if it was the gateway to a different world beyond. It was magical.

The second is from a night of camping. We'd all had our share of food and drink and were in a happy place already. And then a few of us decided to take a walk on the beach. The moon was bright and glowing that night and the waves effervescent. The sand were bare with none other than us present. At the back of us were these tall woods and small cliff almost blocking us from the world beyond with the sea water spreading till the horizon in front of us. The sands were white and the reflection of the moon on the sea water painted a divine landscape; one I'll probably never forget my whole life. The waters splashing against the shore the only sound surrounding us. Beautiful. I want to write so much more to make you understand how pretty it was there; but I'm sure I can never match the sight and sound of that night in words.

The third is from a very recent memory. I was backing out of my garage and in the distance could hear the sound of the complex gardener sweeping the leaves away with his air blower. As I was backing out, I caught a glimpse of the sunlight filtering to ground through the tall trees next to the footpath. There was a haze of particles floating around in the light - probably leaf shreds ruffled up by the gardener or pollen parachuting lazily. It was ethereal. The perfect green leaves of the trees as from fresh rains; the air heavy with dew and the soft golden light of the early morning; the floating bits and leaves disrupted the sheet of sunlight forming rays.

The Deluge

Wet. That is what I remember the most. Everywhere all the time. Bed posts acting as support for washed clothes drying out, creating private rooms where one could lie and read story books all day long without falling into Mom's notice. Floors damp from the short dashes outdoors and back - the recycled gunny bags acting as door mats no match for the surplus water. Humidity so high that the bath towels remained damp forever. Water splashing through the meshed windows, coconut tree leaves swaying in a frenzy to the winds tune. That was how it was at home.

One day, midway through, school closed early citing the weather. Our transportation to/from school was a mini bus which always reminds me of a loaf of bread. It must have seen many years; though the way it ran till then, there was never a hint that its better days were over. It almost got us all the way back home, fighting the rain, its engine slowly heating till it started spewing out fumes. And then it gave up and died right in the middle of the road with a few more Kilometers left before all the kids got home. It being the days before cell phones and virtually no means of contacting all the parents; and the kids old enough to find their way back; above all, it being a small city in India - the driver and conductor let us get off the bus to fend our way homeward. In the pouring rain.

It's probably the best rain day I ever had. Splashing our way through shallow and sometimes not so shallow puddles, nary a thought to hygiene. Playing and jostling with siblings and friends. Raincoats and umbrellas no match to the wind and the water; boots all sloshy from the water soaked in through the socks. Drenched to the bones. We had the time of our lives heading the last couple of miles back home that day.

Haven't seen rains like those in a while. Though today's weather comes close.

Currently Listening To

May 17th, 2011

O Cheliya, Premiludu 
Priyathama Neevachata

January 19th, 2010

Ishqiya Movie Song, Dil To Bacha Hai

October 30th, 2009

Anoushka Shankar on Sitar

October 13th, 2009

Barso Re Megha - Guru
Jallanta - Geetanjali

October 12th, 2009

Koyi Na Roke Yeh Parwaazen - A Wednesday

October 9th, 2009

Iktara (Faster Version) - Wake Up Sid
Kya Karoon - Wake Up Sid

October 1st, 2009

Kadile padam - Banam Telugu Movie Song
Naalo Nenena - Banam Telugu Movie Song

I Need Sleep

Is what my brain is screaming. Through the tens of minute blank outs I've been having all day. Resulting from the movie marathon I ran last night. Why? No particular reason. It started since I was not sleepy when I got back from the theater after watching a movie on screen. And then the movies got interesting - or rather it got easier to please my sleepy brains. And then the last one turned out to be a series of four movies and I had to complete all four before I could finish. Of course.
So has passed the first night out of the year. Totally unworthy of mention. But then I decided to immortalize it through the blog. Why? No reason than that I need something more interesting than the work I'm not doing to keep me awake.
Actually I was up until 5am on New Years eve. But then I slept afterwards. So it does not technically count as a night out. You know how some people trust that whatever they do on the first day of the year kind of sets the theme for the year to come? glad I'm not one of them. Else the way things are progressing I'd have to write this year off as one for Bacchus.

Moments

Met with a few friends today evening. This small bunch - a guy in his 50's, a girl (girl? woman I guess) in her late 30's and another couple of guys 25-35. And me. We drank, ate and talked. Talked about days younger, when all of us were upto comparatively more "no-good" in life. Swapping stories and experiences, travel anecdotes. With music running in the back-ground all the time. Somehow felt like I had my first ever grown-up evening.

And then on the way back, I was driving at my usual crazy speed, keeping up with the crowd when I saw some cops lights glowing in the distance. I didn't really want to slow down the others behind me. But didn't want to be speeding right next to the cop either. So came down to this speed which I thought was a moderate balance (still above the speed limit but not by much). Seconds later I realized I was no longer in a crowd - all the other drivers had slowed down much more leaving me all by myself! suddenly bare from the crowd I was surrounded by just moments ago. Of-course I didn't get a ticket but I did have a good laugh looking back into the rear-view mirror.

Nice evening. Wish I had pictures of it.

Bend in the Road

Going on the train from NJ to New York, NY you come across a curve in the track where you cross this building real close. Its the corner of the building and the first time I was sure we were very close, too close for my comfort. But ever since I am in the habit of looking forward for this turn. It gives you a good view of the tail end of the train and perhaps a peak into the building.

In life too most often its not until I arrive at a curve that I notice what a good stretch I've been having. I guess every change gives a good perspective of what has been and maybe a glimpse of what is to come. Just like how right at this moment after reading what I have already written I feel its soo preachy but hadn't thought so a moment ago while I was writing it down! :D

Anyhow, I will attribute this change in mood to the drawing to close of the year. Happy holidays everyone! Make merry and a ton of good memories.

Treats

Cadbury's Eclairs. Those were my favorite treats as a kid. We used to get some every so often and I used to relish every slurp of the toffee. And then came Nutties. What all I would have done for each crunchy bite of those! Nanna used to indulge us quite a bit and so I might have ended up trying most of the range of chocolates offered by Cadbury's. With Amma treats mostly translated to some sweet or dish she would make for us. My favourite is boorillu. Even to this day she makes them on my b'day if we happen to spend it together.

These days I get my treats from a very unexpected source - my colleague in the lab. His brother happens to be employed in a Hong Kong bakery (Kee Wah) and they make these really delicious buns/cookies. So when I happen to be working in the same lab as my colleague at coffee-break time, he graciously shares his stash for the day and once more the treat never fails to delight.

Photos

Simply love them; could waste hours reminiscing over pictures. Somehow they seem to capture the best of moments. And encapsulate a part of time, giving you back that fleeting moment once more everytime you look at the photo.
On all my trips back home, I never miss browsing through all those albums Amma stocks safely under lock and key. Albums filled with black and white photos which slowly progress to colour and now to digital format. Prefer the paper photos though. Somehow more tangible. The more the time elapsed since the photo the more valuable it becomes - I simply dote on all the black & whites!
Should remember to get some prints of my digital photos one of these days. And buy a camera. Surprisingly for one who loves browsing photos I don't own a camera currently!

Sounding Board

As a child I never contemplated. As a teenager I had too many siblings and cousins; things happening to ever waste time sitting and brooding. During undergrad there were a handful of friends who I could turn to to talk my mind. And Akka. I'm very fortunate to have my sister (though my actions often contradict this statement, it is nevertheless very true). I spent grad years on countless phone conversations and long chat sessions with friends and family. Which continued on into the first couple of working years.

And then people started drifting. It had started early on; right after school but was gradual till now. Now I hardly trust anyone to understand or share my concerns. In a way I've become more reclusive too. Not that I'm trying to hide from others; just that I'm not over-boarding my thoughts on them. But still once in a while I miss those carefree conversations when I could thoughtlessly talk of what was bugging me the most. I miss my sounding boards.

Intentions

Often on Saturdays I end up at the local farmers market looking for my hit - fresh fruit and yummy stall food. Most Saturdays on reaching the farmers market and realizing that I have forgotten to get my bags with me, I resolve to go home and stash a few bags in the car so I don't go indiscriminately using plastic covers the next time around.

Some days (especially now in winter) I end up at some local desi restaurant looking for some hot chai. The place I frequent the most serves it in Styrofoam cups. A few of the places I eat at serve food in Styrofoam plates. I was recently made aware of the effects of Styrofoam on the environment. Most times (actually make that every time) so far, I have been turning a blind eye towards this.

Since a conversation I had with a friend recently on how we follow the norm of the mass to justify our actions, I have been mulling over all of this and realized intentions are no longer good enough. I have to act to not make things worse; I'm nowhere close to making things better. I should atleast take the first steps in ensuring that I don't add to our environmental woes.

And while I'm at it, I shouldn't forget the VTA for my commute to work. It does stop right in front of my company.

Justifications?

There was a talk which I attended recently. About a particular waste management project in India. This one municipality is employing people to collect/sort/recycle/compost waste from households and in the process generating employment and keeping the community clean and green.

They made it a point to mention that the group particularly employs underprivileged women (unemployed, abused, orphaned, wives of criminals, etc.). To them, this is acceptable employment and they are happy that they get the income they do from it.

After the whole talk though I was left with a vague uneasiness - it just didn't seem right to ask these "underprivileged" people to do something that I wouldn't consider doing myself. I strongly agree that waste management is a very necessary part of the whole existence process, but am unable to work my head around justifying people working in those conditions. Is there not a way to avoid having to process waste - by educating people in the proper disposal of the same; in not using non-recyclable items, etc?

Single Story

I'm an ardent fan of TED and on one of my recent browsing sprees on their website came across this: Single Story. I have to admit I'm very guilty of many a time getting carried away by the Single Story. Hoping that now that I'm conscious about it, I will not do it that often.

Times

I've read of different kinds of times. Times of war, viral diseases, civil strife, drought. Times when survival becomes a fight. Something to be claimed from the jaws of death. When a slight of honor meant guns drawn at dawn. Gone are the grandiose days of the horse clicking its way down paved roads. Gone are the serene days of the bicycle hoards. Gone are the days when a motor vehicle is a novelty, a pride of ownership. When there were nooks and corners of the world still left to be discovered. The shape of the earth to be defined. Men were waiting to take flight.

Now seem to be the days of social networking. Online. Atleast that is what seems to be characterizing my days. For me its the days of connecting with family and friends over the net. And I guess its not too surprising I work for a company that helps make that network happen. My day seems to revolve around my laptop. From the moment I wake up and check my email to the time I turn off the light, eyes drooping playing the game on my phone that too gets there through the network. Its come to the stage where I have forgotten that I need to check my "snail" mail ever so often.

Do I like where I am? I don't not like it. Though I did feel a tug of longing when I was writing about the times that have gone by never to be seen again. But then again I like it that I'm just a ping away from everyone/everything that matters to me.